That being so, I continued to tell myself that my interest in Jeremy was entirely maternal. As you my reader will no doubt be quick to tell me, I was lying to myself, and I knew I was lying. My frequent feelings of sexual arousal when he was close, and his presence as my fantasy during masturbation, clearly demonstrated my failed attempts at self-deception. Worse than the straightforward sexual attraction I felt for him, I knew myself to be in love with him. That Jeremy had never demonstrated openly any feelings of sexual attraction towards me, was my last line of defence. When our conversation strayed in the direction of matters sexual, and especially when it referred even remotely to a possible attraction between us, Jeremy would pass it off with a laugh and a joke. There came a time when I was considering telling Jeremy to leave. A battle raged inside me. I wanted him to go because the sexual tensions in me had reached the point where I was becoming irritable and snappy with. "No better than the others," al-Mansr said. "You claim to be the men that you once were, but your bodies - your bodies are female now. And they have betrayed you into our hands." She said something in Arabic. The guards filed out of the cell. She left last, turning for one last look at the four figures lying on the floor caressing their still sexually excited bodies.* * * * *"She's got us, Sarge," McGill said. The four soldiers were sitting on the floor talking. They were speaking in whispers, hoping that the mike, wherever it was hidden, wouldn't be able to hear very well what they said. "There's not a damn thing in here that we can use as a weapon. We can't even stick our heads down that john over there and kill ourselves." Stow that defeatist talk." Rikker's face was red with anger."Well, what the hell can we do," Carpenter asked. "She got us so hot, we couldn't even say three simple sentences." I know," Rikker said. "She got me the same as the rest of you, but there's got to be.
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